Skip to main content

Forgive yourself

I do not know if I am experiencing 'cabin fever' but today was a particularly rough day for me. This stay at home life because of the COVID-19 pandemic has caused me to do even more reflection than the norm. I mean I have more 'free' time than usual. It seems that my thoughts have gone into overdrive. As I lay here facing the silence, I am forced to face the music. To hear all of the negative voices within me, and to once and for all, silence them.

As I ponder this I try to put it all into perspective.  I think about how hard I have been on myself. I have been so critical of myself and I am always thinking about how I could have done something better, been better or looked better. I am always trying to attain perfection and always fall short in my mind.  It has always been easy to say that perfection is an illusion and that none of us are perfect but my actions has demonstrated something totally different. So much so that it has proven difficult to accept words of praise because affirmations was not something I grew up with. It was a struggle to live up to the expectations of others and of God because I knew that so much was expected of me. So on the rare occasions I received words of affirmations I just took them and immediately began thinking of the next task or how I could have improved. I never took time to relish in my accomplishments and where I was on the journey. I mean if I was not a willing and capable vessel the outcome could have been so much different. 

 So you can just imagine the many occasions when I did fail how hard I was on myself and to some extent still am. It is so hard to come out of the slump of disappointment and regret on those days when I am less than perfect which is literally everyday. There is no day when there is not something that I can work on. I never looked at being a work in progress as something to be happy about. I never looked at progress as a blessing because it was not perfection. The bible tells me however that perfection can only be attributed to God. So all God requires really is progression. That I keep striving to be more like him and that even in those moments when I fall short that I don't stop. The race is not for the swift but for those who can endure to the end. 

 All I hear is forgive yourself. Forgive myself for the times when I felt short and also for the times when I did not celebrate the many wins in my life. I am may not be where I want to be but I have never given up on life or God. I have been resilient through it all in spite of the many obstacles. God has been gracious to me and when I fail to recognise His goodness in and through me it is a slap in His face. Where I am is not a direct result of what I did or did not do but it was the journey God mapped out just for me. My mistakes and failures has not discredited me from God's blessings and perfection will not make Him love me any more.

 #Forgiveyourself #Dahlia_Writes 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Chasing the new

So today I was looking at my vehicle and all the damage done to it based on previous accidents, including the protective coating that was now stripping away from its exterior. I could not help but think about all that was needed to restore it to it's former glory and wondering if it was all worth it. I have been toying with the idea of wanting a new vehicle, because after 3+ years it just seemed like the time to change out a 2011 vehicle that has served as an EXCELLENT 'starter' vehicle.  However do I really want to or need to change out my vehicle at this time? Is the added expense in this season really necessary? Is wanting a new vehicle a bad thing? Certainly not! Who would not want that new car smell, with all the new features and technology that make the driving experience so much more comfortable. However, if I just make the investment and fix it to restore it to it's mint condition won't the returns be worth it? If not for me at least for the next...
Post a Comment
Read more

Just do it!

It was just over 21/2 years ago that I decided with fear and trepidation to go back to my natural roots. It was something that I was contemplating for a while and just never had the courage to do because I felt that the raw natural look would not suit me.  Worse I am a low maintenance kinda girl and having to actually take care of and find styles for my hair would have been a task (still is). I just prefer braids and when my hair was relaxed (even though it was not in the most healthy state) because I could just put my hair in a bun or let it out and be on my way.  However, I saw more persons embracing their natural hair during that season, and the more I entertained the idea is the more I felt comfortable doing it. I also suffered with eczema and it did not agree with the relaxer process. So going natural really was the better route for my hair health. I remember mentioning the desire to do the big chop to someone and they said short hair does not fit ...
2 comments
Read more

The beginning of the journey

So I remember just before I had turned 30 I had posted a note on facebook about my disappointments and regrets as I approached this 'magical number' of 30. Unbeknownst to me that the best friends a girl could ever have were reading it and were planning a surprise party for me to celebrate my 'old age' :) At the party they encouraged me and told me to to write a new 'reflection' and so I have decided to chronicle my journey through my 30's and the lessons learnt and experiences gained.  LESSON #1 [Turning 30 will not magically solve your problems] When were younger we would dream of the day when we would turn 16 ... 18 then 21 ...  The glamour of reaching adulthood when we would be able to make our own decisions, drive, have our own house, get married, make lots of money, take vacations and travel the world seemed so faaaarrrr away. Little did we know that it was closer than we thought. The old adage that says that time waits on no man really is tru...
4 comments
Read more